snow, snow, snow

this past week i feel like i've suddenly been transported to Minnesota or the East Coast. there is currently about a foot of snow on the ground. it snowed for almost 24 hours straight, and has been below freezing every day!! I have never spent so much time in my apartment, or so much time in sweatpants and messy hair.



it's been a nice break from reality, but i'm getting a little stir crazy. today i finally made it back to work, driving for the first time since Saturday. i just can't believe the amount of snow still piled on the sides of the roads and in parking lots.



speaking of parking lots, i almost got stuck... well, i did get stuck... in the parking lot here at work!! the parking spots weren't cleared out and (smart one that i am) thought that i could just park anyway. yeah, Honda Civics weren't built for the snow. thankfully, there were two fellow employees out in the parking lot that could 1)help push the car and 2) help drive my car out of the snow.



now, the next challenge is getting to Portland in time for Christmas. It is supposed to snow again tonight, and through Christmas Day. But it's also is supposed to start warming up, so I'm not too worried. It's just going to be an interesting challenge. I'm buying my first set of chains today, as they are still required for Portland Metro driving.



I have taken some pictures of the piles of snow around my apartment complex as well as a few of myself... i'll post them at some point.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!

art

so yesterday, due to the snow on the ground, the freezing temperatures, and my lack of a 4-wheel-drive vehicle, i spent almost the entire day indoors. (except for the slippery trip to the donut shop for coffee)



but i took advantage of the time to make a collage... which felt really good! it felt good to create some artwork again. it has been too long since i've set aside some time to just be creative and really focus on something that i do enjoy. no distractions, no rush, no time limits.



i also bought a camera, a Minolta XG-M. i have yet to actually take a picture with it, but i'm excited to learn how to use it! i am definitely a child of the digital age, and am looking forward to taking pictures the "old-fashioned" way. :)



here's what it looks like:

i'll let you know how it goes!

Top Chef!

so recently I've become kind of obsessed with Top Chef on Bravo. I love watching the process of the cooking... the selection of flavors, the use of unusual combinations, the execution of delicate plates, the presentation of exquisite flavors. I've eagerly watched as the countdown continues to the "top chef" selection!

If you know me, you know how much I love food. As many of my friends have said, "you're a fat kid in a skinny body!". I definitely am my grandmother's granddaughter... yet again, I live up to my middle name. Marjorie Hill loved food, but she knew how to eat in moderation. It's all about quality, not quantity. But i digress.

The whole point of this is my continued search for a career.... I still have NO IDEA what I want to do, but now I'm seriously considering being a chef. And not just because of Top Chef. For years I have loved good food... especially as I've gotten older and had the means to purchase good quality ingredients and eat at a variety of restaurants. I am thankful for the appreciation of food that was instilled in me growing up--the far-flung influences that could be found in the dishes on our dining room table. from Greek, to Indian, to vegetarian, to Southern. I feel like those forays gave me the adventurous culinary spirit that I now have. I'm up for trying anything... well, most anything...at least once. I am always trying to refine my palate and discover new flavors.

Working at a publishing company over the past year that published high-quality cookbooks also cultivated in me an appreciation not only for chefs and the work that goes into each recipe, but also the ingredients, terms, and utensils that are found within the realm of the gourmet.

I'm seriously considering it. Maybe within the next few years; I'm doing some research on the costs (phew!), the locations,etc. Who knows!?

The only drawback---couldn't wear high heels to work anymore. ;)

the uncertainty...cont'd.

remember how i wrote about the layoffs that were going to be happening?


well, they happened. and i didn't get laid off, but Megan did. how crappy is it that she helped me get this job, and now she doesn't even work here anymore.

it's hard. i'm grateful to have this job, even though it might be boring sometimes, and it might seem like i'm just stagnant, but i know this is the best place for me right now. the job market is horrible in most other places in the country, especially Seattle. I am thankful that I can pay my bills, put money into savings, and just keep plugging away.

3,400 employees were laid off last week by WaMu in the Seattle area ALONE.

yikes. this next year is going to be a very interesting one.

Monday, Monday...

yep. it's Monday.

and I'm tired, a little bored, a little hungry.

but i'm also looking forward to this week, it's going to be a little quieter than usual, simply because i have big plans to start working out, actually cooking at home instead of eating microwave food, and then finding something to do this weekend for Halloween! maybe. :)

random question of the day:

if you could live anywhere, if money/job/etc were no obstacle; where would it be??

why.

why is it that the things that happen when you least expect them affect you the strongest.

why is it that i can convince myself of something so much that when that actually happens i don't even know what to do....

because i've convinced myself that it doesn't matter. when really, it does.

IT'S OK TO FEEL.
it's ok to hurt.
it's ok to have emotions that aren't rational. because at least you are being honest with yourself.

the uncertainty.

so you know that I started a new job almost 3 months ago... packed up and moved away from my hometown. and it's a good job--a little boring, but it pays way better than anything I've ever had, and will look really great on a resume. I had all these plans to really save up, and eventually move out to NYC.

then, i get an email in my work inbox yesterday that tells us all that Philips will be doing "restructuring", e.g. lay-offs.

Nothing more, nothing about when it will happen, where it will happen, or who is it going to happen to.

but it made me realize that nothing is certain; even though I got this job, I have no guarantee that tomorrow my job is going to be there. true, that is always the case, with every job that I have ever had, but i guess it definitely caught me off guard when i felt that for once things were falling into place.

i'm just going to keep taking it one day at a time... and be grateful for what i have, and the options that *are* at my disposal. 

why are men like this??

so last night i was sitting out on my little porch at my apartment, minding my own business, reading a book. i notice this guy walking in the parking lot below me. he keeps looking up at me, and slowly walks toward me, still looking and looking. i kind of shoot him a dirty look and shrug my shoulders as if to ask "WHAT? Why are you looking at me?". he finally gets pretty close, but still below me, and says "I was trying to see your ring". and I say, "what, this ring?". and show him my non-wedding hand. then it dawns on me... he wants to see if i have a wedding ring. so i say, "yeah, I'm married.". His eyes get big and he's like "ok, bye, neighbor".

but seriously??? I had to lie to just get him to leave me alone?

just plugging away...

back at work, trying to keep my eyes open.

after the trip to Saskatoon last week, i still feel that i'm catching up on sleep! probably the combined effects of air travel, 1 hour time difference, and getting very little sleep before and during the trip.

it was so good to see my family, though. Uncle Andrew, Aunt Diana, Uncle Kevin, Alexandra, Rebeka (of course, the Bride!), Anthony, Angela, Desmond, and of course my parents, Graham, Charlotte and Julia. Mor-Mor I had seen the most recently, at Christmas time, but it was good to spend some time with her as well. I love my family, and I have begun to appreciate our differences, no matter how frustrating it may be at times! I joke about looking like I'm adopted, but it also feels sometimes that I am emotionally and intellectually adopted as well. I have my dad's easygoing nature, but my mom's interest in travel, culture, and literature. But beyond that, I have realized as I get older, that so much of my personality and interests is *my own*. My experiences are different from the next person, and that includes my family, even if we share DNA, ancestry, or a common birthplace.

Seeing my mom's hometown was very hmm, what's the word, nostalgic comes to mind, but it was maybe more of a second-hand nostalgic. It is the same feeling I get when I come back to Portland after an absence, but this time I was seeing it through the eyes of my mother. I know that it really meant alot to her for us to see where she grew up and has so many good memories. At the same time, it was hard to understand what exactly she was feeling because it is *her* memory after all, not ours. But I now feel a certain understanding of where she came from, even though the town has changed drastically in the past 3 or 4 decades since she lived there.

ha!

so i thought i was going to be so good about updating this... and here it is 6 days later. it has been a rough weekend and week for me, but at least it hasn't been as slow as the previous week. for some reason it seemed to just drag on and on and on.

this past weekend i visited Portland to see my friend Nahko, who has been living in Hawaii for a year or so. it was so great to see him after 2 years! i also met his birth mother for the first time, and one of his half-brothers, with whom he has connected after 20-some years. it was exciting to see him finally comfortable in who he is and where he is headed. his music is amazing as always, and he had some great conversations about inspiration, beliefs, acceptance, and family.

maybe i'll have to go to hawaii someday and spend some time on his farm, in the peace and quiet of a simple life.

it caused me to do some self-reflection, and really think about what makes me happy. sometimes i don't even know.... i just feel so scattered, trying to find that "one thing" that really makes me click. i have felt it in fleeting moments--performing music probably the most powerful one. feeling that connection with the songwriter, the other musicians, and most of all, the audience. but is that what i want to do with the entirety of my life?? i also like my security too much--knowing where my rent is coming from, expecting that steady paycheck every two weeks. i don't think that i could ever just travel and live on the whim of tomorrow. but i also envy people who can pack up their stuff in a little bag and be a vagabond of sorts.

i have a wandering spirit.... but not the wandering sensibility to give up my comforts. :)

the first one

Well after years of contemplating a blog, here goes. I'm going to (for once) actually update it frequently, but we'll see.

I happened to go into my blog on myspace the other day and find some old, old entries and it was so great to have those stories that I had forgotten, and revisit some great memories.

I hope that this can be a space for me to do the same--preserve memories, capture moments, and express my thoughts.

Enjoy!