feeling frustrated

it can be a good thing to get frustrated... it can lead to inspiration and trying just a little harder.

i tend to be lazy sometimes, because i've never had to try at anything in my life. i breezed through school, i somehow have crazy good luck with jobs, friends, cars, and life in general. "luck" i dont know if i believe in it... but i have been blessed. :)

the other day, something completely unrelated set me off into a frustrated, overwhelming feeling of incompetance, of my music being not good enough nor ever being good enoug. but i had a good conversation with a friend who helped to center me again, and remind me that no matter what i might feel about myself, i need to realize that my art, if it is a true reflection of how i am feeling, is good. it might not be what other people say is "good enough", but it is a way for me to express myself and share my soul with others.

i'm not giving up, i'm still going forward. it feels so good to put things down on paper and to create something.

now to just get over the insecurities. does that ever happen?

things beyond my control

i try to not be discontent in my life, i try to be happy with where i'm at, and i think i've been doing a pretty good job.

but i'm also a dreamer. i'm always thinking of bigger, better things, and what i would rather be doing. (than sitting at a desk in a hole of a cubicle in basking in the harsh glow of florescent lights) yes, i know that just sounded extremely bitter, but i'm getting a little tired of the corporate life. i used to think that i could be that girl in the high heels, suit, and coffee in hand every day waltzing into a office, happily tapping away at the keyboard, holding meetings, and working late just to get ahead. but i'm not so sure anymore.

ever since i started playing music again, i've realized it's THAT that makes me truly happy. the creative process, as painful as it can be, the performances, the sweat, the lack of sleep, the frustrations, all of it is worth it. i LOVE music, it is my passion, my soul.

i'm also realistic, but i've got to just go for it, go for my dreams. or i will always regret not trying.

more to come....

too long.

it has been too long since i've last posted, but i've been super busy.

that and my mind has been preoccupied with the band and practicing. i am feeling incredibly inspired by playing with the Polyamorous and am loving the creative outlet.

check out our blog (haha, i say "our", but I'm the only one who updates it) at blogspot.polyamorousmusic.com.

We just had a GREAT show on saturday, which was also my birthday. 25 years old... it's so strange for me. Sometimes I still just feel so young, but at the same time, 25 sounds so old!!
Now that I am halfway through 2009, my premonitions were correct. I *knew* that this would be one of the best years yet.

and it is....

stay tuned!

banding

so i told you that i was playing in a band... it has expanded to a larger project that had begun before Erik and I started playing together. It is called the Polyamorous.

Consists of: Erik (guitar) Jeff(bass and vocals) Rob (drums) and me(keyboard and vocals).

It is so much fun! Lots of work, but I love it. It feels so good to be part of a creative group. We are already planning some shows, which is even more exciting for me.

Last night was the BEST practice. We ended up working on a song that I had written: "You told me that you Loved Me". It sounds awesome! It was amazing to hear my music played by a group, not just my own voice.

I'll keep you posted on shows.

snow? again?

when i walked out of my apartment this morning, there was snow on the ground. covering the cars, the grass, and a nice wet slush was in the parking lot.

WHAT?? i thought. SNOW AGAIN??! it's April. I can't believe. Thank God it didn't really stick, it's was just annoying to have to clear off all of my windows and windshield of the wet mess.

I am seriously getting ready to move to South America. Well, not really, but it would be nice to actually have some spring weather. Sunshine perhaps?

definitely ready for the weekend....

just plain weird...

yesterday, i saw a girl sitting outside of Cold Stone wearing footie pajamas, and smoking a cigarette.

REALLY?

and she was at least 20 years old. i have no idea why she was wearing what she was, or where she was headed next, but it was the oddest thing i have seen in a long time.

reawakening of creativity

I recently purchased a full-size, excellent quality keyboard. 88 keys, touch-sensitive, sits on a wooden stand, brand new! (thank you Craigslist)

I have also begun collaborating with a coworker (Erik) on some music. it feel so good to be writing and singing again. And now that I have my piano, I can really work on stuff at home! The melding of our two styles (his guitar, my piano and jazzy vocals) I think will potentially create something really amazing.

We currently are trying to figure out a band name, though. any suggestions?

hopefully soon we will play some open mics and coffeeshops,etc around town. Erik already plays with a small band, so he has some ideas of where to play, but we'll see what happens.

I'm excited! We have a few songs already that we will be working on co-writing, but I also have a few and so does he, so our combined creative talents will also be applied to those.

i'll keep you posted...